I crawled to the gym in my sweatpants today and in fact, when my bag got caught in the grated drain, I was 90% ecstatic that I was ball-chained to the grills like a prisoner and wouldn’t be able to greet a treadmill this morning. Alas, I was fated to meet my friend there. A friend who would have had to wake 2 hours earlier than normal, drive around to do all her necessary life necessities, to arrive in time to meet me. How could I in my right mind let her down?

Call her to cancel? No. Call? No. Call? No. Shit.

So I started the walk on that rotating conveyor belt. Heavy elephant steps at first, transcending to a lighter fat cat and 45 minutes later, I’m glad I did it. I always am. ALWAYS. So I really don’t understand why the slightest desire to skive comes into play when it has been proven again and again that moving my jiggly mass of stuff continuously for an hour, radiates feel good hormones. Damn bloody feel good hormones! Like you can have sex right now kind of hormones!!!

WHY? It does not make sense! Why would my body reject sex? Or at least the horny desire to have sex? *sigh*

If I knew Hawaiian Host Macadamia Nut Chocolates made me happy, then I’d slowly savour them one centimetre at a time, whole-heartedly. Right? If wearing that Estee Lauder mascara made me feel beautiful, carried me into a fantasy where I played Liz Hurley for awhile, then it only makes sense that I stroke that Estee brush, right?

I told my friend, “I’m depressed.”

After an hour analysing the possible reasons for my self-diagnosed depression, she (a medical specialist from London – not that local medics are any lesser) confirmed that I definitely didn’t need psychiatric help. However, the conclusion for my feelings of worthlessness was not concluded before she had to run off to do other necessary life necessities.

*sigh* Woe is me.

Why am I depressed? I am bored. Now, who can be bored taking care of Tee, the most entertaining, psychotic toddler in all of Kuala Lumpur. As far as I’ve seen anyway. But I’m her Mom, and you know how it always is with your own kid. They are always the most. Most Pretty, Most Talkative, Most Stunted, Most Funny, Most Most Most!

Despite the fact that I have a wonderful companion and child in Tee, I can’t help feeling tired. Tired that I want something new to do. Something but I don’t know what. I just know I don’t want to be cooking and cleaning anymore or singing Do Re Mi another 48 times. Enough. So my friend says not to worry. As soon as I have another holiday, I’ll be fine again. But hello, my last holiday was last month and my next holiday is next month. I seriously think I have a deeper rooted problems than a lack of holidays. If I don’t get professional help pronto, I might have to be ICU admitted to the Mother’s Mental Hospital, you know, where Moms under pressure are cared for? Wait. Do they have that in KL yet?

The Hubs doesn’t pay me enough attention. Something to think about. I explain that he does wonders about the home after work and still has energy that he pulls from his reserves to massage my blogging body every evening. He does the laundry, boils the water, takes out the trash, picks up whatever needs picking up, cleans the kitchen, he does tons! Maybe he doesn’t give you the kind of attention that you want? Hmmm…….maybe. The thing is, after being together for so long, sometimes there isn’t a need to talk anymore because you know each other so well that you already know what the other is thinking. So what’s the point of talking? Wrong. Women still like to talk. So when women tell men they want to talk, men will say….OK, honey. Talk. But THAT’s not the kind of talking we want to do. We want TWO-WAY conversation. Capiche? And unless women make the effort to draw men out to talk, men don’t just drift into meaningful conversation naturally. Mine doesn’t anyway. I will bring this up with him anyway and watch him jump to defense. But I am not sure if he is the reason I am blue.

Is it money? Is there food on the table? Have I a roof over my head? Do I dream of that Cartier ring sometimes? Do I want my own set of wheels? No, it isn’t money. But yes to the next four questions. It can’t be money, although I shan’t protest if suddenly I inherit a huge windfall. What could be better than free money? The trouble that comes along with it. Didn’t you know? 80% of the rich in KL have done something dishonest to get where they are and the other 15%, inherited their money. I’m not kidding.

So what is it then? Do I just need to do something with my brain? Start a blog! I have, my dear friend. It isn’t working. Nobody reads my blog. Nobody loves me. Perhaps things will be different once I start seeing PayPal dollars in my account. Heh.

What is it? What is it? Why am I feeling so lousy???

Are my childhood demons coming into play again after 20 years? After you graduate from a serious depression, you don’t imagine ever going back again but here I am…………clearly depressed. It’s like being shoved back into University after you’ve FAILED the second time.

So tell me, pray tell…….why am I despondent? Do I want a change in my life?

Boy, I want a lot. Or nothing at all. It is all relative. Everything is relative.

So the carousels continue to play in my head. Coincidentally, Tee’s favourite past-time – literally and not so literally.

*lightbulb flashing*

OHHHHHHHHHHH…………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Period due tomorrow.

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Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin spent 7 years in London committing crimes to gain her Bartlett degree in Architecture. She then spent 7 years as a Stay At Home Mom raising her children as documented in this blog of over 15 years thereafter returning to the Corporate World stronger than ever as the Country Director of a British Multinational. She sets out to prove to all, that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.

Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past but has grown not one but TWO network marketing businesses in the notorious MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) industry, achieving success in under 2 years. She believes in the MLM business model but realises the DRASTIC PITFALLS and great stigma attached to it, understanding EXACTLY WHY the majority would shy away (or RUN for their lives) from ANY MLM business. But open your eyes and take time to understand it intellectually, remove your hang-ups, confirm your research, and you may just want to seize an opportunity. She did. And no, she never went about chasing people for sales. She had a sophisticated system work for her through technology and a smartphone.

She now impacts lives authentically with proven strategies amassed through the last decade of her own transformation offering online coaching programmes and always supports the underprivileged. She believes that we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.

A beautiful life without limits.

If you wish to learn some tools to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave enough to make contact as her life's purpose is to build people. She operates through a discovery call after which she will commit to helping you. Or not.

Most lose out on an opportunity because they are afraid they would be sold to, conned or whatever fear resides in their brain without even trying. And that's on them.

Mamapumpkin is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything, and she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, and supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.