Today, with a heavy heart and overflowing tears, I have to tell you that Baby Samantha was summoned by The Good Lord Jesus Christ to join Him in Baby Heaven. There isn’t anything more painful that would just kill the heart of any parent than losing a child and for that, my entire heart goes out to Julie and Kimmy, not forgetting kor-kor Jonathan, who’s innocently placed in all this chaos.

It was only 6 days ago that I last saw Baby Samantha and from the 2 times that I saw her and touched her, I had my own moments with her. After all, my own best friend, also Samantha, passed away almost twenty years ago. Each time I saw Baby Samantha, I felt a huge tug at my heart, seeing her with the tubes up her nose, lying helplessly fighting to get well. I would say a prayer. I didn’t know her but I already loved her. I still do.

Baby Samantha suffered from Mitochondrial Disease where her weak muscles could not process her food properly and she had to muster up a lot of energy just to eat to survive. That’s why she needed the tube for her survival as it was a gentler way of feeding. I remember talking to Baby Samantha and then Julie telling me that she may not even see very far, nor hear as she already had some brain and liver damage from the disease. Julie was amazing. She is so strong but for all that it’s worth, she is also human. Human with the same pains, the same sadness, grief, frustrations, hope and every other emotion humans are capable of. So despite her composure, I still wanted to give her a hundred thousand hugs.

That night, I sent some Reiki to Baby Samantha after midnight and my hands got very, very hot. I did not have a good feeling and the next day, I tried searching for Julie’s number (I KNEW I should have gotten it when I’d met her and damn that I didn’t). I did not get a response and if only I’d known where to find her number, I’d have felt less helpless. So helpless but T1 and T2 kept me busy enough and although I’d check the blog for updates at every opportunity, there was none.

Children are from Heaven and God loans them to us for such time in this world to help Him raise them. When it is time, He takes them from us again. Thus they are never ours to start with. They have always all belonged to Him. And that is why, we should never take our children for granted. They aren’t ours to abuse.

Julie and Kimmy have a demanding journey ahead but it is my hope that although they may feel incredible sadness, that they also rejoice in knowing that God chose them to bless them with Baby Samantha, for she was and is a special child. I hope that Jonathan will help them through this difficult time.

Julie will never hear Baby Samantha call her Mama, but she has the beautiful memory of Baby Samantha looking up at her. She will have the knowing that God chose her to feed Baby Samantha the cocktail of medicine throughout these months because He had faith in her to do the job. Julie will stand tall, after all, she has already been through months of bravery and God knew that He needed someone just like Julie to give Baby Samantha everything that she needed. And she did.

And after such time, Julie may smile again but we must never forget that behind that smile, hiding, lies a heart that has been crushed, a heart that will forever ache, a heart that will never be the same again. Julie, I won’t tell you to be strong because you have been nothing but that for months. Cry, scream and release yourself to grief. Remember though, that Baby Samantha is thanking you:

My Dearest Mama,

Although you may never hear me call you that, remember from my eyes that I called you so many times, and thank you for being there. When you ever wonder the meaning of life and love, know that I am with you, always watching down and over you. Close your eyes and feel me kissing you in the gentle breeze across your cheek. Treasure my scent in that special place and you may smell me again. When you begin to doubt that you shall ever forget me, quiet your mind and hear my baby voice. I am always in the whisper from Heaven, speaking of your incredible love. The love that you gave to me all these months. Thank you, Mama.

When you lose yourself, and question who you are, where you are going, all the whys and this and that, open your heart and see me. Touch my face in that photograph and look into the night sky before bed. I will be the twinkle in the stars smiling down upon you lighting the path for your journey. You may not be given the answers, but I am here with you. For always. As you have been there for me.

When you wake up each morning not remembering your dreams but feeling content and serene, know that I was with you filling your night with thoughts of me, even if you do not remember a single thing. When you are going through pain and your heart is physically being hammered, think of how I am soothing it with my baby fingers. Easing your pain and tearing as you tear, so remember, that when you are in pain, I am in pain too.

As brave as you have been, awaken your spirit now and think of all the seconds, minutes, hours and days, months, that we shared together. Our time, Mommy and Baby, you and me, Mama, all too brief, but intensely special. Intensely intentional. Intensely filled with love. And when you are sure of that, God will guide you to the garden of peace, where no more sadness, anger nor fear resides and He will show you that our moments were created just for us. When I was with you there on Earth and when I am with you now from Heaven. Mama, I am with you always……

Baby Samantha

The tide may recede but it leaves beautiful sea shells on the sand,
The sun may set, but gentle warmth lingers on our land,
The music may stop, but in our heads the chimes of sweet musical refrains,
Because for every JOY that passes us, something beautiful always remains.

Baby Samantha, you will always be in my heart. Thank you for touching it. For that, I am honoured.

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If any of my readers would like to give their blessings in the form of ‘pak kum’ (white gold) as a sign of respect to the family of Baby Samantha and to assist with funeral and medical costs, kindly email me at mamapumpkin at gmail dot com for details. Your names and contributions will be forwarded to Julie. And please remember, you don’t have to have met Baby Samantha in real life before making a contribution. Just listen to your heart……

This blog will be inactive for the next seven days in memory of a most precious baby.

All photographs taken from Julie’s blog.

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Read more about Baby Samantha’s Journey in Parenthots and feel free to send love over at her parent’s blog.

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Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin spent 7 years in London committing crimes to gain her Bartlett degree in Architecture. She then spent 7 years as a Stay At Home Mom raising her children as documented in this blog of over 15 years thereafter returning to the Corporate World stronger than ever as the Country Director of a British Multinational. She sets out to prove to all, that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.

Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past but has grown not one but TWO network marketing businesses in the notorious MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) industry, achieving success in under 2 years. She believes in the MLM business model but realises the DRASTIC PITFALLS and great stigma attached to it, understanding EXACTLY WHY the majority would shy away (or RUN for their lives) from ANY MLM business. But open your eyes and take time to understand it intellectually, remove your hang-ups, confirm your research, and you may just want to seize an opportunity. She did. And no, she never went about chasing people for sales. She had a sophisticated system work for her through technology and a smartphone.

She now impacts lives authentically with proven strategies amassed through the last decade of her own transformation offering online coaching programmes and always supports the underprivileged. She believes that we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.

A beautiful life without limits.

If you wish to learn some tools to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave enough to make contact as her life's purpose is to build people. She operates through a discovery call after which she will commit to helping you. Or not.

Most lose out on an opportunity because they are afraid they would be sold to, conned or whatever fear resides in their brain without even trying. And that's on them.

Mamapumpkin is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything, and she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, and supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.