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You know those. Yes, THOSE.

When they start asking you about your own child; whether he can add and subtract, whether he makes connections when he notices similar events, whether he can read, whether he can do a particular stunt, whether he knows the lyrics to that song, whether he knows how to play backgammon (what?!), whether he can sleep without diapers……..and the list goes on.

And the only reason they ask is because they can’t wait to tell you that their own kid can do that amazing deed and want to know that your kid can’t. OK, I’m generalising. Not all women who ask those type of questions fall into the category of being those so don’t start feeling guilty now.

I am the type of person who is comfortable in my own skin. I don’t need to compete. Some people say, oh, you feel that way because Tee is already the brightest kid on the block! Bollocks to that. Whilst Tee is one of the smartest or most developed kid in her classroom, she is still behind some other children in certain areas. But I don’t get all antsy about teaching her that particular skill just because so and so can do it! I know some mothers who really have to be one up on you! *cringe*

Anyway, what I really wanted to say, dear mothers, is that all children develop at a different pace and this has no effect on how smart they are or how well they will perform in a particular task in their adult life. For example, just because Tee is slow in her subtracting skills does not mean she will not win the Noble Prize for math in the future. So please, please don’t use your children as a show off tool to make your own seeded insecurities feel better. Think about it.

In any case, if you do want your children to score high in their teenage and adult life, then just know that from research, the kids who have been read to a lot by Mommy and Daddy, are the ones most likely to suceed. It is the ones who have been given Mommy and Daddy’s undivided attention and love; not Mommy practising flash cards with them, not those noisy educational toys that cost a bomb in the market (which Tee incidentally just became the proud owner of *roll eyeballs*), not the pressures of Mommy wanting them to learn something. Remember that by pressuring them, you are sending signals that you want them to be able to do something, to achieve something, and if not, they are not worthy of your love. Children are at their most insecure stage from 0-6 years old despite how confident they may act. Don’t show your child that you only love him if he knows how to play Dominoes, or know his alphabets, or act a certain way. That will only make him work harder to try to win your love and approval. That will only make him act up more.

Besides, kids who turn out to be the smartest and fastest are not necessarily the happiest. Do you want your children to be unhappy? Simplicity is key. Children deserve a carefree, healthy childhood filled with unconditional love. If your child wants to learn how to string his shoelaces today, fine. If he doesn’t, fine too. More important than knowing their academics (i.e. their alphabets, their numbers, their colours, their shapes etc) is knowing that they are loved and are safe in this world. Knowing that their thoughts matter and that they can trust on their own instincts to do what is right. Knowing that within the boundaries that parents have taught them, they shouldn’t have to do anything that they don’t want to when requested by strangers. Children should know their rights and what is right and wrong before their academics. I mean, would you rather have a child who can read Harry Potter at THREE, but can be bribed to follow a stranger, or one who doesn’t know yet how to make alphabet blends but who knows what he can and cannot do to keep himself safe?

I overheard today a little girl refusing to leave the swimming pool throwing a tantrum where she said she wasn’t happy. I was shocked to hear her father’s response that he did not give a damn whether she was happy or not. Those are things you just don’t say to a child, ever. No matter how angry you are. Children need reassurances and even if you are angry, scold them, put them in the thinking corner, do whatever you have to do but don’t undermine your love for them. I reiterate that children need to know wholly and unconditionally that they are loved all the time no matter what they do. I tell that to Tee all the time so much that she will cheekily say, “Mommy? Even if I am naughty, you will still love me, right?”

Children need their parents to play with them, talk to them, allow them to be silly, be silly themselves, talk rubbish together, and allow them to let their imagination run wild. If your child wants to paint grass purple, let him. If he says the giraffe is short and fat with a stumpy neck, let him. If you’re worried that he is learning the wrong thing, then you can say that giraffes in the zoo have tall necks and are tall and skinny but still acknowledge that your child’s giraffe is a special giraffe with the stumpy neck! If your child wants to play with mud and it’s going to be dirty, let him. I know it is difficult but that is his interest and he should be allowed to explore the world. If he wants to help you cook dinner, let him, even though it means double work for you. Nobody said child-rearing was easy *smile*. Imagine an innocent child wanting to explore the world but is stifled from doing so because his parents are lazy and forbids him to touch, see, feel, smell, hold, smeer, roll, scrunch, listen, dig……..Of course, this is an ideal situation and since we do not live in ideal worlds, just do what you think is best.

And most important of all, children need to know and believe that their world is made out of magic, pretty fairies, clouds and full of wonderful things. And to top that all off, that they themselves are magic! That they are the best, the blessings, the magnificent creations of God, the most creative creatures on Earth. Does your child feel that way today? You can help encourage this by respecting your child and allowing his feelings and thoughts to be heard. I’m not suggesting you let your child rule you, no way. But how many times do we as parents allocate only a fraction of our time to our children everyday? How important do we make our children feel? How important ARE our children anyway?

We all work so hard to earn more money so that our children will get a chance to go to college, so that they can attend Tae Kwon Doe and music classes, so that they can have Christmases full of presents and so they can go on lovely family holidays but actually, children don’t want or need all that. They need us. They need our time. Everything else will sort itself out in time, but for now, our children need us. Give them that time. Sacrifice your own time for them. It isn’t for forever. And you are guaranteed to have succesful, well adjusted, mannerful children.

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This was written with no intention of undermining any parent but as a gentle reminder to all, that our children need us. It is also not targetted at any parent but the regurgitation of tattlings from the very small brain of mamapumpkin.

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Who is Mamapumpkin?
Mamapumpkin spent 7 years in London committing crimes to gain her Bartlett degree in Architecture. She then spent 7 years as a Stay At Home Mom raising her children as documented in this blog of over 15 years thereafter returning to the Corporate World stronger than ever as the Country Director of a British Multinational. She sets out to prove to all, that you can have anything and everything that you want; if you have that fire of desire burning within and the drive to work hard. Even better with much love.

Mamapumpkin has not only grown corporate businesses successfully in the past but has grown not one but TWO network marketing businesses in the notorious MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) industry, achieving success in under 2 years. She believes in the MLM business model but realises the DRASTIC PITFALLS and great stigma attached to it, understanding EXACTLY WHY the majority would shy away (or RUN for their lives) from ANY MLM business. But open your eyes and take time to understand it intellectually, remove your hang-ups, confirm your research, and you may just want to seize an opportunity. She did. And no, she never went about chasing people for sales. She had a sophisticated system work for her through technology and a smartphone.

She now impacts lives authentically with proven strategies amassed through the last decade of her own transformation offering online coaching programmes and always supports the underprivileged. She believes that we can all have a life of our own desires to enable real contribution into the world. But first, one needs to understand what this all means.

A beautiful life without limits.

If you wish to learn some tools to propel your life forward guaranteed, be brave enough to make contact as her life's purpose is to build people. She operates through a discovery call after which she will commit to helping you. Or not.

Most lose out on an opportunity because they are afraid they would be sold to, conned or whatever fear resides in their brain without even trying. And that's on them.

Mamapumpkin is a living testimony that women really can have a lot. Being financially and time free has enabled her to travel the world anytime, anywhere, doing anything, and she spends most of her days with her children, having fun, and supporting others wherever she can. Also having fun.